Some Questions:
The piece starts out with a sort of intro before the base rhythm kicks in. Do you think that this intro is too long? Does the piece flow well when in this structure?
At some points you can hear the base player talking. Is this too distracting? Should I play around with adding more far-off voices?
What phrases caught you off guard or stuck with you?
Was there enough variation in the music?
Would you like to hear more of my voice overlapping?
I'm excited to hear your feedback!
:)
I think that this is really great! It is really interesting to listen to and you're voice is well recorded, with a nice flow. The music was also a nice choice and helps establish the euphoric/metaphysical feeling of the piece. I do agree that the voices in the background are distracting. Especially since that is the only place it comes up and it is so different from the dream-like calm you have created. I really like the words you chose and the slow quality of it but there is a part of me that thinks it is a little long. Maybe make a few of the spaces between lines shorter? Also, (and this is nit-picky) unless it is a direct quote from the reading, there is one section where you rhyme go and know. Because you don't rhyme in the rest of the piece, it kind of bothered me, but that is also a personal opinion.
ReplyDeleteMargaret:
ReplyDeleteYou have a really intriguing start. You have many nice variations in the voice, pacing and sound design particularly in the first half of the piece.
After 1:40 things seemed less focussed, less specific (Did you lose steam?)
I could use more variation and development both in the vocal sound design and the music leading to the end. I think this is related to Callie's comment about feeling it gets long.
Important: Where exactly do you want to leave us at the end?
Look forward to talking more--
Stephanie