Tuesday, March 12, 2013
Draft 2 (and 2 Drafts!)
The Relativity piece is a second draft of my original idea, however, I'm not sure if it is turning out like I want it to. I still like the idea but I think I'm getting a little lost in it. I did another completely different recording (Mimosa Tree) just for grins. Unfortunately, it was over skype so the quality is pretty bad (any ideas on how to fix that?). I decided to post it anyway and see if there were any suggestions. Thanks!
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ReplyDeleteThe first time relativity draft 2 transitions away from your voice to the tape it is so engaging (around second 30)-- and that feeling lasts until your voice fades way back at 1m. Then it feels like something else needs to happen. Maybe a different genre of found tape? The ones now all seem to have a similar vibe, which goes with the 50's/science tape feel, but maybe trying something totally wild-- obama speaking? hip hop? bizarre laughter? would give you the jolt to bring the listener back in. Or maybe this is just a really short piece?
For the mimosa tree, I agree that the skype recording does take away from the warmth and sincerity I know must be in the voice, although I'm not sure what can be done about it. It seems like a cute story, but I'd kind of checked out by the time she got to describing the tree. The main punches seem to be what the girl says, so maybe if those were closer in time, they'd have more impact, and you'd get a sense that the whole thing is really about her-- rather than the mom talking about her.
I agree with Clara, I really liked the transition between your voice and the found sounds.
ReplyDeleteBut I found that having your voice continue to quietly list things in the background caused me to pay less attention to what was being said in the found clips. I think it would be good to let your narration stop at some point after it has gotten to its quietest point: Maybe after "love is relative?"
I'm not sure about the ending, there are three things going on there: you narrating "EADG," (which is the names of the notes you're playing?) the recording of someone talking about passion, (don't know who that is, but he reminds me of Hemingway) and the last, little lighthearted strum.
Right now, these recordings seem disparate from the rest of the content, especially so because, at that point, the listener is looking for some sort of conclusion to take away from this piece.
You might want to try to get these last clips to relate more obviously to relativity and your larger themes. Or you could try adding even more, seemingly random clips, creating a sort of buildup of sound and ideas at the end.
I liked the Mimosa tree piece, but again, I agree with Clara, I think if it were shorter, it would be more engaging overall.
A few questions:
ReplyDeleteIn terms of the tree story, are you the girl in the mimosa tree? Do you have a memory of this? I'm wondering what made you choose this story. I agree about the sound quality as a problem (which can't really be fixed), but I'd be curious about why you chose the story. Maybe there's something in there. I like the image of climbing, particularly in the planetarium space.
In terms of the relativity piece, as a listener I have a hard time figuring out what you want us to experience, or what you're interested in or curious about. I'd like to hear more about what of the idea you still like. I'd like to hear a take on relativity that is less predictable or more idiosyncratic. Or, are you more interested in doing a found sound collage and the relativity theme is weighing you down?
Let's talk more---
Stephanie