Wednesday, March 13, 2013
How Long is The Night -- stab 2
So, here is stab 2 at "How Long is the Night?" Basically, I am fascinated by the idea that the night takes up time because it takes up space. I would like the listener to get a sense of that space, and have a groovy radiolab type moment where they think, "whoa, interesting."
What information seems repetitive? What isn't clicking? Which image, if any, is most memorable? What feels like fluff? Also, this was my first attempt at sound effects (gathered from the wild) so any feedback on those would be great. If you have any tips on where to get sounds to use, that would also be appreciated.
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Clara,
ReplyDeleteI loved your piece! I think you have a great tone of voice in this, and it led me from start to finish. You have some really beautiful imagery - some moments that stuck out: the body's shadow increasing in length as the night comes, eventually becoming infinite. Also the moment where you dive into the tunnel of night and burst out to blue skies. These moments I found to be the strongest, due to their descriptive, imaginative qualities.
There were several moments that seemed like "fluff" to me, or several sentences that seemed out of place or less interesting. "we ask: how was your night, like, how was the game?" didn't fit/work for me. I also thought the footsteps were a little repetitive, and I didn't quite understand how the banging sound related to what you were talking about. I do like the idea of incorporating sound effects in the background, and I think if you did a few more noises other than those two, it would help your piece.
I had to listen to your piece a few times through to fully pick up on everything you were saying. Maybe allow some pauses in between some of the more informational lines so the listener can digest some of the information.
Over all great piece! Hope that helps!
Clara:
ReplyDeleteThis is moving in a great direction. Big leap.
I think you could pare down the text as Melania suggests. (Let's look at a transcript) And you could do more to distinguish the your different "voices" in the piece to create a more spatial sense that evokes your own imagining and meditation on the subject. (You could do this easily with some EQ and effects and of course changes in your delivery.)
I think the sound of footsteps might work, but experiment further with what kind of footsteps (what kind of location, how fast, etc) and use them sparingly.
Keep experimenting with sound design, not just in terms of singular effects but what kind of beds of sound different pieces of text can float in....
Keep going!
Stephanie
Clara,
ReplyDeleteThis is very interesting and has some great imagery. Your delivery is definitely getting there but I think there is a way for you to incorporate that idea of spaciousness in how you edit your narration. I agree with Melania and Stephanie that it feels like it could be pared down to really sing. In terms of the sounds you embed I think that you would really benefit from doing more explorations and think about the sense of space you establish. What sounds could make you feel claustrophobic or like you are in a tunnel (are there echoes there)? What sounds imply miles of emptiness around you? I am not sure if I would understand your overall message of night taking up time because it takes up space without having already known that was your intent previous to listening to the piece. Although the image of your shadow extending out is really nice. I would really look at the writing and go forward from their. This is really exciting stuff though. Can't wait to hear more!
Hannah
Clara,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your piece. Your recording is really crisp and the sounds you use really help paint a picture. I really enjoyed the narrative and the science you bring into it. I also like the timeline aspect of the piece, it really helps organize the narrative. I do agree though that some of the effects and vocals are superfluous. The two things that stick out at me are the whispering in the beginning and the breath out after you say you can take a deep breath. Also, even though I enjoy the effect the footsteps and the drumming have in the beginning, when it comes back later it seems kind of repetitive.
Overall you did a great job though, it will be amazing with a few tweeks.
Marissa