Here is my second draft :) I added in a short 3rd poem in the beginning, and cut some of the others down slightly. I also changed the volume of the background music and fixed a few sound gap errors. I'm not sure how I should end it/if the ending is okay as it is now. It just ends at the final poem, the "nightmare".. should there be one last poem to conclude? a waking up poem?
I've already hit the three minute mark, so I'm wondering if I should cut some out then add alternative clips. What do you think?
Melania,
ReplyDeleteThat candy dream is the real highlight for me! Maybe it's because my dreams have very rarely been that cinematic, and so that image of the girl with all her gummy worms with the bombs going off just seems so BIG for one little sleep head. I find the absurdity and contrast engaging -- and the sound engineering around the voice helps support the weird space.
I would focus your editing energies on the last dream. The reference to "a warehouse in Detroit" is in danger of being a cliche, particularly as in the context of a nightmare. Can you give us some more description to bring us into the space? There also seems to be a lot of potential for the sound design, given the references you make to echoes and whatnot. Maybe try going really crazy with the scariest/eeriest/most nightmare-iest sounds you can make. Maybe google some haunted house music to see what sorts of things they do to create a sense of unease? If it's too much, you can always tone it down, but I think it be worthwhile to see how you can really create a mood with sound.
Melania
ReplyDeleteAre these your dreams? I'm curious about how you see the relation of one dream to the next?
I'd love to see you experiment more ways to evoke the qualities of an actual dream. What are the qualities of the dream state that intrigue you and that you might bring out? The intimacy? A searching quality? The unexpectedness? Or...?
What experience do you want us to have? Are we entering a series of dreams? Do these dream worlds overlap at all?
Is there value in having people improvise rather than read? Right now the vocal delivery often sounds "read off of a page" which is different than how we experience or remember a dream.
I'd also experiment with other vocal effects, EQ etc to position the voice in different ways. Right now all the voices are processed in the same fashion. Are there voices within voices? (As in Margaret's piece)
I agree with Clara on the third poem. The image of the warehouse in Detroit feels a little predictable, and its repetition doesn't pull me deeper into the dream/nightmare.
I appreciate the brevity and spaciousness of the first piece....
Let's talk more on what you want to bring out with this collection of dream pieces.
-Stephanie
Clara,
ReplyDeleteI love the image of being a skydiver in a bed. That was great. In terms of the dreams, I agree with Melania about the gummy worms and the bombs and "all of the candy will be mine."
There is a certain rhythm/rhyme time effect the nightmare story has and it is much different than the previous dream. It's interesting and almost like a grim Dr. Seuss or something. Maybe it reminds me of the lines from children's books like "Its the night before christmas and all through the house not a creature was stirring not even a mouse." I can't really put my finger on it but it is something to be aware of because I start to forget that it's a nightmare in some ways whereas I don't forget the first piece is very much a dream. Not sure if this is at all helpful but I think you have some great content and some if it seems a little at odds with each other is all. Hope this helps.
Hannah
Melania,
ReplyDeleteI loved listening to this! I was really transported, I can only imagine listening to this in the planetarium. I agree that the candy dream is the most evokative. I also really enjoyed the cinematic feel of the score behind it, I like how it builds with the piece, it doesn't just feel like background music. One thing I wasn't too sure about was the echo effect you put on the voices. I understand it adds to your dreamscape feel, but I don't think it is necessary to getting your point across.
Overall, I'm really into it.
Marissa